![]() Ron: And? Tammy Two: Straight as an arrow. I was just checking myself for scoliosis. Leslie: Whale tail! Whale tail! She's flashing a whale tail! Abort! Abort! Ron: Hello Tammy. Ron and Tammy: Part Two Ron: My ex-wife, Tammy, likes to check in every so often and make sure I'm doing okay, and if I am, she tries to fuck everything up. And if I had an hour alone with Robert Pattinson, he would forget all about Skinny Legs Magee, I’ll tell you that much. "Pawnee: Home of the World Famous Julia Roberts Lawsuit." "Pawnee: Welcome Taliban Soldiers." And finally, our current slogan, "Pawnee: First in Friendship, Fourth in Obesity."ĭonna: Oh, I love any book about vampires, werewolves, monsters, zombies, sorcerers, beasties, or time-traveling romances. Long Live Zorp." "Pawnee: It's Safe To Be Here Now." "Pawnee: Birthplace of Julia Roberts." That was a lie, she sued, and so we had to change it. "Pawnee: The Factory Fire Capital of America." "Pawnee: Welcome Vietnamese Soldiers." "Pawnee: Engage with Zorp." For a brief time in the 70's, our town was taken over by a cult. Time Capsule Leslie: "Pawnee: The Paris of America." "Pawnee: The Akron of Southwest Indiana." "Pawnee: Welcome German soldiers." After the Nazis took France, our mayor kind of panicked. Leslie: Was I wearing a Tiara when I came in here? Because if you happen upon it will you have Lady Pennyface retrieve it and send it post hence? Tom. Tom: I think I should drive you to the hospital. Leslie: Give it up everybody for Scott Bakula from Quantum Leap! Ben: Alright! Okay. That was…that was Leslie Knope.īusiness Owner: Are we going to get the same sales tax incentives we used to? Leslie: That's a very good question sir and I would counter with my own question which is: why is half of your face all swirly? Ben: Okay! Umm unfortunately Leslie has another very important meeting right now so if you have any other questions you can just direct them towards me. That was Kirk Gibson hobbling up to the plate and hitting a homer off of Dennis Eckersley. ![]() That was a flu-ridden Michael Jordan at the '97 NBA Finals. Ben: Okay I wouldn't open with that.īen: That was amazing. Good evening everyone, I'm Leslie Monster and this is Nightline. Ben: What? Leslie: The floor and the wall just switched. Leslie: So should we do this? Oh boy hold on.be careful. I looked at the meter and it had Egyptian hieroglyphics on it. Leslie: Can I get some money for the cab that I took over here please? Ben: Sure, how much? Leslie: I'm not sure. Leslie: Ben Wyatt! Hello! Ben: Uhh hi Leslie. I'm surrounded by a lot of women in this department.and that includes the men.Īnn: Hey have you seen Leslie? Chris: I had a dream that she came into this room, stole my flu medicine, told me not to tell you and then disappeared through that hole in the wall. Leslie: So no to the scarf? Ann: Get back in the bed Leslie: No, I'm going to that meeting! Ann: Either you get back in the bed or I will strap you down, I've done it before, don't test me! Leslie: Does this scarf look okay? I don't wanna look stuffy but I also don't wanna look too schlubby. Ron: You had me at "Meat Tornado."Īnn: What are you doing? Leslie: Hey! That flu medicine really helped. A grain of sand could destroy it! My body is a microchip.Īndy: They have one called the "Meat Tornado." Literally killed a guy last year. And also I'm starting to forget who Ben is.Ĭhris: My body is like a microchip. ![]() Leslie: It's not that I don't trust Ben, it's that I don't have faith in Ben. What are you doing? Leslie: Cartwheels.Am I not doing them? Ann: No. And she's the most beautiful nurse in the world.Īndy: Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have…network connectivity problems.Īnn: 104.1, Leslie you're dehydrated, I'm admitting you. And then I took a third and it stayed down! I'm getting better.īen: Who's your doctor? Leslie: Anne's my doctor. So I took another one and I threw that up. Leslie: I'm not sick I just have allergies okay! I took a claritin and I threw that up. Leslie: You look tired and you're all sweaty all the time! What's your excuse?! You wanna go there Jerry!? Jerry. Leslie you look tired and you're all sweaty. Come on guys just let me in there! Jerry: No you can't come in here. April: Except no-one dresses up like a janitor when they wanna be slutty. Nurses and janitors are totally interchangeable. I tried to buy fertilizer the other day for the soccer field. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.Īnn: So are you happy to be back at work? Leslie: Well, our budget has been slashed to zero. ![]() ![]() Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Categories include Capitalism: God's way of determining who is smart and who is poor. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Go Big or Go Home Ron: I've been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. ![]()
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